You know that feeling . . .

. . . where your brain is trying to escape your skull by forcing it's way out your eyesockets? I had that yesterday. And to tell you the truth, I was hoping it would succeed in exiting my body, granting me the sweet release of death. This crippling headache messed up my inner ear too making me all dizzy and confused. I didn't even turn on my computer for about 24 hours, which for those of you who know me, is pretty unusual. Apparently I also didn't notice when I spilled grapefruit juice on my cell phone. Anyone else who caught this bug can appreciate what I'm talking about. I guess that's all for now, I'm going to get back to ingesting plenty of fluids. If you have suffered from this bug you can leave a comment and I'll sympathize with you, And if you haven't - "Up your nose with a rubber hose"

Would I be happier with a bigger TV . . . Yes I would

I realize it's been a little while since my last post, but here's the thing - I've been at my parents place since Friday and they only have dial-up - SLOW. I remember when we got our first 2400 baud modem. This was before most people had heard of the internet. In fact, the internet as we know it today didn't even really exist, if you wanted to check out a particular BBS (bulletin Board system - kind of like a website), you had to dial it's telephone number. Also, there wasn't really anything worth checking out anyways. But, I digress, the point of this entry it to explain how I would be happier with a bigger TV.

- First of all, I don't even have a TV in my apartment in T.O., so I think that in order to maximize my TV intake I need a bigger one at my parents place. Somehow I feel this will make up for not watching TV Monday through Thursday. The larger the surface area of the screen, the more of that wonderful radiation will penetrate ( ha - penetrate) my eyeballs. By the way, this is the only thing I want to penetrate my eyeballs. I'm looking at you Chuck - next time you come over, leave the shank at home.

- Second, I like my TV loud*. There are some people out there that might argue that the size of the screen has nothing to do with the volume of the Television. Those people would be wrong.

- Thirdly, it has been scientifically proven** that for every inch you are away from the screen, it needs to be one inch bigger, or a 1:1 ratio. This is known as the golden ratio. Once again I'm sure that there are people that will argue with me. I'm sure that some prima-donna mathematicians will try to tell me that the golden ratio is closer to 1:1.61803398874989484820458683436563811772 . . .
These people are just trying to show off.

- Fourthtasticaly, for legal reasons I feel it is important to be able to read the legal line at the bottom of car commercials clearly. If I'm out on a test drive in a Mazda 6, I want to know if I can do that thing where they drive sideways across the desert kicking up a lot of dust without fear of reprisal. On a larger TV it would be easier to read that line.

- Fifth. The larger the TV, the more friends you will have. For every square inch of screen area, you will gain one more friend. This is known as the golden ratio.

- Sixth (I love saying sixth) My power consumption is too low. I'm not sure how many mega-watts I use in a year, but If I had a bigger TV, I wouldn't need to know. I'd need to know how many tera-watts I used, and isn't that really the measure of a man?

- Seventh (not as fun to say) I'm pretty sure that most big TVs have an aspect ratio of 16:9. This is known as the golden ratio. The bigger my screen is, the more of that sweet, sweet golden ratio will be in my room. I'm sure this will have a positive effect on my well being.

- Lastly (some would say finally - in an exasperated tone) I think big TVs are cool

Let the shallowness of this web log (don't click if you have a weak stomach) forever haunt your dreams



*"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaaaaming!" - Homer J. Simpson ep. 4F11
**This has not been scientifically proven

Don't read this

As I sit here in the crepuscular gloom of my empty apartment, I think back to better times. Times when in order to cross the room I had to avoid a club chair and a coffee table, not to mention two other people. You know the high pitched whine that a CRT Television makes; I miss that. I thought it wouldn't be so bad living in an empty apartment by myself for two weeks, and it wouldn't have been so bad if I could just sit on a couch or something, but I'm pretty sure I'm slowly going mad. My only solace is watching Futurama episodes that I've downloaded (luckily one of my neighbours has wireless internet, and didn't think to set a password for it). I have learned something from this though.

Camping chairs are really only comfortably when your camping.

Those of you who know me might have figured out that my only real reason for writing this post was to use the word crepuscular.

Another lits - a disappointingly unfuny post

So,aparently I've already become pegged as a guy who makes lists. The Lydster recemntly challenged me to make a new list of unfortunate mispellings and typos - so here goes

1 - How bad is this?

2 - This is kimd of interesting I guess, maybe, . . . who cares

3 - Here's a pet peeve of mine. When peple put up adds at school looking for a Base player. These people are usually vocalists (sorry but it's true)

4 - Tomtastic's comment on my Nov 16 post.

5 - I lookid up funny misspellings on google and it's a virtual wasteland out there. Try ti sometime, it's rerally disapointing.

6 - Here's something interesting thoug

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulacty unesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmeneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitlll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcusease the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

7 - I give up, sorry Lydster. I'll keep my eye open for any funny tyops though

I have to go now. The guys are here to install the hardwood flooring and neon Lights for my roller disco.

I miss lamp.

Well, I dropped Andrew and Meredith off at the airport today. We somehow managed to get 2 guitars, an 88 key electric piano, a trumpet, a duffel bag roughly the size and texture of Andrew, 2 backpacks, 2 sleeping bags, and three other pieces of miscelaneous luggage, as well as the three of us in my sunfire* (also knows as the S-Fire!, or the S-box). The scene*** at the airport was kind of funny as we removed all the luggage from the car and piled it on the sidewalk. As I am writing this they are probably on their way to San Diego** ("California, beautiful").

So, now all that's left in my apartment is:

1 - Me

2 - My luxurious recliner

3 - My bed and night table

4 - A jar of olive oil, a bottle of vegetable oil, and some balsamic vinegar (If only I could score some lettuce)

5 - Two of my guitars that I set in the middle of the office to make it look not so empty.

6 - Various bathroom things

7 - A phone book

8 - Tonight's dinner

Not that I'm complaining. Now I have so much floor space that I can do with as I please, and my folding camping chair looks so much bigger without "real" furniture around. Maybe someone could leave me some comments on what I could do with my floorspace. I know Stewie would have a sexy party!

Well, that's enough for now I guess. I think I'll get back to my dinner

* what a waste of money - They must have photoshopped in the smoke
** also known as a this's 'You know what'
*** when I was looking up pictures of 'clown car', I got a lot of pictures of the Smart Four-Two

Even though I just started my blog, I apparently already have a number of faithful readers. I will try to keep posting semi-regularly so as not to disappoint.

Lately I've been noticing that there are a lot of people in Toronto who aren't rich, but seem to think they are. They try to exercise their powers of richness over mere mortals like you and I. (I'm assuming that none of the people who are interested in what I have to say are rich) This got me wondering. "I wonder if there are people out there who don't know that they are rich?" I wondered.

To help out those people I've decided to compile a list of ways that you can tell if you're are indeed ridiculously wealthy.

1 - If you don't think a diamond encrusted power-bar is excessive

2 - If your idea of personalizing your car isn't adding a tacky aluminum wing. Instead you have your driver change his name to better suit the car. "Oh 'Jimmy Two-tone Vee-twelve' would you please warm up the Maybach?"

3 - You have all the names of your servants memorized. (It wasn't hard - You memorized all the names and capitols of all 50 states when you were in grade school, so you just had them each servant pick one to change their name to.)

4 - You have three servants named Ohio

5 - Tennessee Ernie Ford is your butler.

6 - You can afford to have Tennessee Ernie Ford brought back to life.

7 - You don't like to wash your socks, so you wear a new pair every day.

8 - You don't like to wash your Lear-Jet.

9 - You have a bridge for sale in Brooklyn

10 - You have an Island for sale in Manhattan

11 - You don't slurp the last little bit of Root-beer from the bottom of your take-out cup

12 - You think this guy needs to take the 'bling' up a couple of notches


Well, that's all I have time for today. Hopefully I won't be so bored as to post every day, but as many of you know, I don't have a life. Feel free to add comments on other ways to tell if you're rich. Hopefully they give me a larf.

that's all
Junk

13 - If your country estate is roughly the same size shape and location of England

Boxes Boxes Everywhere

So, has anyone ever seen what 45 of these looks like in an 800 square foot apartment. I have. I'm looking at them right now. (well not 'right now', but as I am writing this) As you now know (if you read my last post), my roommates are Moving to San Diego as a result I get to see what is involved in the process of shipping one's belongings to the U.S. Here are some things I have learned while watching Andrew and Meredith slowly go insane while packing up all their stuff

Interesting fact #1 - If you're shipping DVDs you have to fill out a separate form for each one describing it (Andrew and Meredith have over 50 DVDs, that means over 50 forms). Apparently this is to discourage sending media with 'questionable' (read:illegal) content.

Interesting fact #2 - it's kind of fun overestimating the value of your belongings for insurance reasons.

Interesting fact #3 - cardboard boxes are pretty strong, but they would be stronger if they were a triangle.

Interesting fact #4 - I CAN'T FIND ANYWHERE TO SIT!

Interesting fact #5 - Andrew gets really startled when he accidentally steps on this stuff

Interesting fact #6 - You can't ship a microwave in it's original box. You have to take it out and re-box it

Interesting fact #7 - Styrofoam peanuts taste like . . . well . . . not peanuts.

interesting fact #8 - Andrew and Meredith have filled out roughly a pound of paperwork

Interesting fact #9 - The guy at the cardboard box store is creepy. He suggested they have a bubble wrap fetish party when they get to San Diego

Interesting fact #10 - most of these facts, while true, are not interesting

So here's my advice to those of you planning to ship a lot of your belongings to the U.S. - Sell everything. Buy new crap when you get there

Finally a good use for the internet

So I've decided to get on this whole blog bandwagon it seems to be the thing to do. And not because Tomtastic is doing it. I'm actually doing it because my roommates are moving here and they are selling all their stuff - including the TV. Therefore, I have a lot more free time on my hands. I've had to come up with things to keep myself occupied. Here's a list of things I've come up with to keep from getting too bored.

1 - I do this anyway, but now I do it more.
2 - Download TV shows to watch (gotta get my TV fix).
3 - homework
4 - play Porrasturvat
5 - do this again
6 - read intelectual materials
7 - and of course this

I'm sure many of you have better ideas, and I would welcome your input as long as it doesn't involve this, I think you know what I mean. Well I think I'll get back to something more interesting now.

Keep your eye on left field - that's where all the wierdest stuff seems to come from