The Surreal life

Today as I was driving home on the 427 I noticed a strange phenomenon. There was a cabin cruizer floating across the Burnhamthorpe overpass.

Well, that's what it looked like anyway. I'm assuming it was on a trailer that was being towed by a pickup truck. From my position I couldn't see the truck over the guardrail so it just looked like the boat was driving arcoss the overpass by itself.

It was kind of a surreal moment.

'The cars on the freeway are moving like slugs'

Living in Toronto four days a week, I am periodically stuck in traffic. Over time I have come up with various things to keep me occupied while I'm waiting for traffic to start moving again. Here they are in no particular order:

1) Stare at the person beside you, then quickly look away. Do this repeatedly.

2) Get out of you car and pretend to urinate in the gas tank - have a sticker that says 'urine powered vehicle'.

3) Make the 'roll down the window' motion to the person beside you. When they roll down the window look like you're about to say something, then make the 'who farted?' face and quickly roll the window back up.

4) Purposely stall you car then get out and go all Benny Hinn on it, and hit it with your jacket , then have your passenger discretely fire it up again.

5) When your car isn't moving look really anxious to get going - try to lean forward and look really stressed; then when traffic starts moving, look indifferent and don't go until people start honking.

6) Pick your nose.

7) Crank up the baseball game and start headbanging to the commentary.

8) Periodically put your car in reverse.

9) For a challenge, see if you can get your car sideways in your lane. For slightly less of a challenge, try the same thing in a smart car.

10) Pick your nose again.

Well, those are the ones I have come up with. I would be curious to hear other people's ideas. Especially Chuck, as he spends much of his day in traffic. Hmmmmm . . .

It's a Bee!

Actually, it's a boat



"Who's the old man?"
"That's my old man"

Jiggers! It's the Fuzz!

So, here I am, driving down highway six at about 1:00am, minding my own business, when I notice dome distant headlights on the horizon. Now, when I'm driving at night and I see distant headlights there is always a chance that it is a cop, so I checked my speed "whoops too fast - meh, it's probably not a cop"

Hmmmm, I was wrong. I noticed that as I passed thee car is started to slow down, leading me to believe that it was indeed a cop. I also noticed that it had a light bar on the top "Please be an MTO car" - not so much

Well, I pulled over and psyched myself up to talk to the cop.

Here is how the conversation went

Me: (pulls out driver's license to hand to cop)
Cop: (looks in window - doesn't even look at drivers license)(female voice) "You're Joel right?"
Me: (wierded out) "Yeah"
Cop: "I went to highschool with you"
Me: (pretending to recognize her) "Oh yeah"
Me: (to myself) "I hope she doesn't ask me if I remember her name"
Cop: "I got you doing 115"
Me: Oh Yeah (stock response)
Cop: "Try to slow down, drive carefully - have a good night"
Me: (emphatically) "Thank you"

I drove off - "PHEW!"

Me: "Maybe I'll set the cruise control now"