Poor decorating choices plague me Monday to Thursday

Some people feel that they have the required skills and talent to be adventurous when they are decorating their house. The people that used to own the place where I'm staying right now do not have those skills.

I would like to point out that the current owner of the house, my friend Neil, had nothing to do with the way this place is decorated, although he is also far too lazy to make the necessary changes.

Example #1
I will start in the upstairs bathroom. There are about 8 of these tiles with the little ladybugs and whatnot on them. My problem is not with the tiles themselves but the fact that there are 8 of them. The entire shower area of the bathroom is tiled, yet there are only 8 of these particular tiles. It's kind of like they wanted the ladybug style, but didn't feel like paying for more of the ladybug tiles. It seem to me that if you are going to go for the ladybug look, you have to go all the way. This half-assed ladybuggery simply does not cut it.

Example #2
More bugs, this time stenciled. These can be found randomly scattered about the rest of the upstairs bathroom. Ok, I know I said I had no problem with the bug tiles, but really, stenciled bugs, gimme a break. Either kill some bugs and smear them on the walls or just leave it alone.

Examples #3 and #4
I don't even know where to start. Stripes (poorly painted stripes - I think they waited until the paint was dry to peel off the tape), inverted colours at the corner? What else is there to say.
Example 4 - ??????

Example #5
The first time I saw the downstairs bathroom I was in shock. This room looks like the coat check at the male strippers (I'm assuming). I was sure that the world already had too much leopard print in it, but I was unaware that this wallpaper existed. You can't see from this picture, but most of the accessories in the bathroom are cat themed. I think this picture speaks for itself. I have used this bathroom twice in the four months that I have lived here because the wallpaper makes me nervous, and any guy will tell you that it's difficult to uh, evacuate, when you're nervous. The thing that I love/fear the most about this is that it's difficult to tell where the corner of the room is because of the pattern

Well, there you go. I'm moving out of here at the end of the week, so I thought I'd share with you the poor taste that I live with four days a week.

Ciao for Niao

Alternative marketing for breast implants

First off I'd like to point out that none of my links are to pictures of actual breasts so for any of you perverts* out there, I'm sure you can find other web sites that you will find more interesting.

Fake breasts are apparently very popular these days. The manufacturers are making a killing on women who feel like they need an augmentation. Some guys are totally into this, as for myself - not so much. Unfortunately there is an untapped market out there, and they are missing out on the profits. Roughly half the population isn't being marketed to, and there are women who just don't need mammoplasty, so how do you sell implants to these people?

What you need is clever marketing. I'm sure there are many uses for implants that either haven't been thought of, or their potential hasn't yet been realized. So, breast implant companies, pay attention, Oh, and by the way, I want a cut of your increased profits. I'm sure that sentence constitutes as a legally binding contract, no matter many extra apostrophes it may have.

1 - Keep one in each of your back pockets in case you have to sit on a particularily hard bench.

2 - Men - keep one in your pants to , uh, well, augment things

3 - Use them instead of Dr. Sholls

4 - Fill a big tank with them unstead of the ubiquitous 'urine balls'

5 - If you're accident prone** glue them to sharp corners and things that you might whack your noggin on.

6 - Use them as packing material when you're moving

7 - Play hockey with them in your living room without fear of putting holes in your walls.

8 - Use them as a stress ball***.

9 - stick them under your sleeves to make it look like you have huge bicepts****

10 - Freeze them and use them as ice packs

11 - The worlds most comfortable ear--muffs

12 - Fill a pillow case with them so you won't feel so lonely when you go to bed.


*Hey dude, at least I linked to you
**Yes, that one was for you Digger
***what the . . .
****Sorry, I know that's gross

Mooning (not that kind)

The other night I came home and as I was getting out of my car I noticed that the moon was really, really bright, and not only that, it had this cool ring around it. I'm not sure what kind of atmospheric conditions cause this effect, all I know is that it's a spectacular sight.

I decided I had to take a picture of it, which was a difficult undertaking. Most mid-priced cameras are not designed to take this kind of photo, so it took me quite a bit of trial and error to be able to capture this. Unfortunately my lens doesn't have a wide enough angle to capture the entire ring, so you'll have to imagine what the other third of it looked like.



















Keep checking back here, I have another post in the works, which may or may not be interesting - there's only one way to find out.

Ciao for Niao
Junk

Rocks Rock?

It is a well known fact that a lot of the information found on the internet is either uninformed*, missing important information, or completely bogus**. This is probably true for most subjects, but something that recently came up in a conversation with The C-man (ator) (don't ask how this subject comes up in conversation - I'm still baffled). Who would post bogus information on rocks?

As far as I can tell, no one.

1. - I think this might be because people are afraid of the U.S. geological survey, those guys must have really calloused hands, I'm sure it would be really rough if they slapped you.

2. - Or it could be because rocks are really boring. It seems to me that if you are going to fabricate information about a subject, that it would be one that more than a handful of people would be interested in, such as politics, religion or most importantly - the personal lives of celebrities.

3. - Another reason might be because in order to fabricate information about rocks you have to know something about them in the first place. No one will believe a word you have to say unless you can use credible terminology. In order to have sufficient knowledge to fabricate seemingly valid facts about rocks, you will have to have studied them. But as we said before, rocks are boring, so anyone that has studied rocks must be genuinely interested in them, and would not deceive the public about such an important subject.

4. - Most people don't have that much time on their hands. Hmmm, wait a sec. Anyone reading this obviously could be doing something more productive, so they probably have extra time on their hands. I take that first part back. Anyone who is into blogging has enough time on their hands.

5. - There is already enough bogus information on other subjects that any about rocks would be swallowed up in a tidal wave of National Enquireresque stories. I realize this is a weak argument, but that was a fun sentence to write.

6.- I just invented a new word - Enquireresque - This has nothing to do with the rest of my post, but I had to point it out.

7. - I need at least seven points to have a valid list.


Well I hope this has been enlightening. I'm sure many of you have been wondering why people don't post false information about rocks on the internet. Now you can rest easily, as I have covered this subject completely with absolutely no holes in my logic.

* I know this link doesn't work, if you don't get the joke you need to watch better movies
** sorry for the obvious link

New word

So, every now and then I think of a good word that has gone uninvented thus far.

Autoproctology

I came up with this word while watching some contortionist on Cirque du Soleil and I just had to share it with you. I did a quick check of Dictionary.com first to make sure it wasn't already a word. I considered doing a Google search, but I was afraid of what would come up considering what this word implies.

Although, if there are any stories involving the use of the word Autoproctology, they could prove to be quite funny.

If I come up with any more good words I'll share them with you in the future - also I welcome any of you own 'would be' additions to the English lexicon in my comment section.



Happy mental picturing!
Junk