Alternative marketing for breast implants

First off I'd like to point out that none of my links are to pictures of actual breasts so for any of you perverts* out there, I'm sure you can find other web sites that you will find more interesting.

Fake breasts are apparently very popular these days. The manufacturers are making a killing on women who feel like they need an augmentation. Some guys are totally into this, as for myself - not so much. Unfortunately there is an untapped market out there, and they are missing out on the profits. Roughly half the population isn't being marketed to, and there are women who just don't need mammoplasty, so how do you sell implants to these people?

What you need is clever marketing. I'm sure there are many uses for implants that either haven't been thought of, or their potential hasn't yet been realized. So, breast implant companies, pay attention, Oh, and by the way, I want a cut of your increased profits. I'm sure that sentence constitutes as a legally binding contract, no matter many extra apostrophes it may have.

1 - Keep one in each of your back pockets in case you have to sit on a particularily hard bench.

2 - Men - keep one in your pants to , uh, well, augment things

3 - Use them instead of Dr. Sholls

4 - Fill a big tank with them unstead of the ubiquitous 'urine balls'

5 - If you're accident prone** glue them to sharp corners and things that you might whack your noggin on.

6 - Use them as packing material when you're moving

7 - Play hockey with them in your living room without fear of putting holes in your walls.

8 - Use them as a stress ball***.

9 - stick them under your sleeves to make it look like you have huge bicepts****

10 - Freeze them and use them as ice packs

11 - The worlds most comfortable ear--muffs

12 - Fill a pillow case with them so you won't feel so lonely when you go to bed.


*Hey dude, at least I linked to you
**Yes, that one was for you Digger
***what the . . .
****Sorry, I know that's gross